OH YEAH THE THING I WAS DOING

Day Two! Is it only day two? It feels like it’s been weeks! What was I doing? Oh right, I was trying to save the town or some other such garbage. Well, I figure my goal is to raise a couple of million. That can’t be that hard, right? How much have I raised after one day?

That. Is not a whole lot.

Oh. Well…hm. This may be harder than I thought. Maybe someone in the town will offer some helpful advice? Humans like to help each other, don’t they? I don’t know, I am grasping at straws here. I make my way into town and speak to the first human I see. My last interaction with a human went very poorly, with any luck this time it will be better. I believe some of you are aware of the writing technique known as ‘foreshadowing’.

FORESHADOWING

I hate this goddamn town. What even is the issue with it anyway? It seems to be doing just fine. I briefly consult with the spirits, and after they call me some very rude names, I find out that I have basically two options to save this town…which apparently is just losing hope and crumbling away. The first is to restore the community center and bring everyone in the town back together because of it. While this sounds like a simple option, it would require a bunch of work. I’d have to fish, grow crops, and more things that would break my personal rules. The other option is to just pay Jojo Mart some exorbitant fees to restore the town back to its former glory.

Jojo Mart. What’s a Jojo Mart? I go check it out. From what everyone told me I was expecting a living hell on earth. What I got was actually very boring.

That Mart has a substantial Wall.

That’s it, that’s all. I mean sure, they need a slightly less menacing catchphrase (‘Join us. Thrive.’ Really? That’s what you came up with? That’s goddamn terrifying.) but otherwise seems really harmless. I’m asked if I want a membership to their store, but I can’t quite afford it. Awful nice of this horrible mega-coperation, accepting a non human and all that. I head back to my farm, but it is still really early. I head outside and start wandering around, looking for some more things to sell to try and help myself out. I ran into my nearby neighbor, and struck up a breif conversation.

Yeah. It means we both live outside of town. Man this whole town is like this. I’m so sick of this place, if I wasn’t bound by magic I’d burn it all down. You know what I need? I need booze. I head into the town and check out the bar. Sure enough it’s packed with idiots and more human waste. In an attempt to evade them, I duck into a side room. That is when I find it, the device that ruined the rest of my time. It was a little arcade machine, I had never seen anything like it before. I was curious, and one of the humans showed me how to operate it.


This is what I was greeted with. I didn’t get it, what was… oh if I move around I can shoot the little guys. If I kill enough of them I unlock a new level. And there are powerups and..oh dear.

Four hours later I finally drag myself home to get some sleep. Whoops.

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