Warning: I am going to be talking about real life stuff here. If this bores you, might I suggest watching this video about the dangers of RPG’s instead, it’s way more fun.
So if you frequent this blog, you may have noticed it’s very helter-skelter in the updates. I make promises, then break them. I spend one week writing about novels, the next I’m back to talking about video games. Why is that? Why the random inconsistency? Well the reason for it all is actually a few reasons, and the bottom line of it is, I was broken. I was not me, and the me I was, was holding himself back.
Alright so lets get into some back story. Now I’m not looking for pity, or am I trying to get attention in a ‘oh man it sucks to be me, I’m so poor off’ sort of way. That’s why I am just going to give the short version of what happened. Over the last two to three years, my cat died, my parents split, my childhood home was sold, I was forced to move out on my own, I lost an amazing job, I failed out of school, and my girlfriend of… a very long time left.
I didn’t realise this at the time, but each one of those changes, warped me a little. Not only did they hurt, and bring me down, they made me fear change. When one fears change, one can never improve. After all, change is inevitable, change occurs, even if you don’t want it to. By forcing myself to not change, I could not allow good changes to occur, only bad ones. So for example, after I moved out on my own, I refused to work on myself and just wallowed into my depression. This was the final thing that pushed my at the time girlfriend away, and I don’t blame her either, it’s frustrating to watch someone you love refuse to fix things.
It was after she left, that I started in on therapy. I started seeing the same therapist that helped my father figure his stuff out, and frankly it was the single best thing I have ever done. Because of her, I got my blog back up off the ground. Because of her, I figured out what I need to do to get my life back on track, but she wasn’t done. Just two days ago, I had a six hour session with her. I started at nine thirty in the morning, and was done when she said we were done. I was so nervous I didn’t sleep the night before, but it was totally worth it in the end. I feel like a whole different person, or rather, I feel like I used to.
This has changed me in a number of great ways, but my journey isn’t done. I’m going to keep trying to update this blog on a semi-regular schedule, as I think writing is what I really want to do with my life. Sometime soon I will be posting the prelude to the novel I intend to write, and I am doing what I need to, to be healthy.
So all of that to say, stuff sucks right now, but I am fixing it. Thank you for your patience, and for those of you who know, thanks for your support!